The Stick

I'm going to be a Dad!  Wheeeeeee!

That's how I immediately felt when my wife came out of the bathroom with the pee stick and told me she was pregnant.  10 seconds later I swallowed a hard pit into my stomach when I realized that I was unemployed, out of shape, and hadn't held a baby in years.  Not to mention that we had plans on Saturday to drink with our friends and smoke cigarettes and stuff... what about that?  Is that happening still?  I really NEED IT!

How will I possibly survive this?!

Are you having those feelings?  Need a boost?

Ok, first thing's first, chill.  Take a deep breath and chill.  Now, remind yourself immediately that your life is no longer about you.  That is DONE, my friend.  Don't hyperventilate over this, I'm not saying it to scare you.  I want you to find the little nugget of pride that's hidden among the fear.  Because it's there.  And when you hold onto it, it's awesome.  You can ride that shit like a golden fucking tiger, man.  It's the little thought-nugget that pats you on the back.  It reminds you things like, "You did it, man, you fucking did it.  Go ahead, think about that sperm of yours and smile.  You got some champs there, brother.  Good work."

I'll give you a moment to realize that YOU are the MAN!

(Pause to grab hold of the nugget).

How are you doing now?  Better, right?  Good.  Hold onto that feeling because you're going to need it.  It gets hard for you in the next few months.  But you are going to be okay because you have the nugget.  It will help right now.