Friday, February 14, 2014

The Butts, The Globes

I made a mistake a few weeks ago during the Golden Globes.

While watching the awards show with my wife, I remarked how I thought that Amy Adams has a great butt. I mean, she does. Now, my wife knows I like butts, and usually she's interested in knowing who has a good one.  She'll even say, "did you see that butt?" It's all good because she knows I like her butt the best, and I don't gawk in public, but nonetheless I felt a silence in the room once I blurted out my affection for Amy Adams' caboose.

Nothing else was discussed about it, and I made sure not to drive the point home, but it was out there, man. It was out there.


Like a balloon with just enough helium to stay eye level for about 20 minutes.

Oh yeah, that's right, a pregnant woman, no matter how beautiful her glow is to you, no matter how much you like that her breasts have doubled in size, is not sitting there on a regular basis feeling like a million bucks. She's bloated, she's tired, her feet are swollen, and she can't squeeze into her favorite jeans anymore. She's tried. She can't. It's torture.

What I'm saying is that even an honest comment that you normally might make about a celebrity's rump-le-stilskin should be put on hold for a while.

It made me think about what she may have wanted to hear instead. And it made me wonder if I say it enough to her. My lady is so cool, and tough as nails, but she loves a little doting like everyone else. Now I try to make more of an effort to remember. I try to tell her daily how beautiful she is. It's not easy. I mean, I think it all the time, but I don't say it all the time. I don't know why, because I don't think I can ever say it enough. Well, that's what I plan on doing from now on, and beyond this pregnancy.

Moral of the story, your baby mama has people at work letting her know how big she has gotten.  So what she really needs on the home front is that you still can't get enough of her... and her ass...

And when it comes down to it, if my wife's butt had to fight Amy Adams' butt in a steel cage match, I'd bet the farm on my wife's backside any day.